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Buddy Holly by Weezer

Three Things I'm Not Good At

As you know dear reader, your author is a master of many talents*, but there are three skills I just can’t seem to master:

1. I NEVER KNOW THE RIGHT TIME TO LEAVE SOMEONE’S HOME - I can’t begin to tell you how difficult it is for me to read when the correct time for me to take me my leave is. I always feel I am either under-staying or overstaying my welcome in someone’s home. If someone invites me over for dinner am I supposed to stay and visit afterwards? If I’m watching a movie with someone in their living room am I supposed to excuse myself after the movie is over? I just don’t know!
2. I NEVER KNOW WHEN/IF TO MAKE A MOVE ON A GIRL - I always feel like every girl in the world has no interest in me other than as a pal. Because of this I tend to never realize the opportunity that’s in front of me until its much much too late. I’d like to think of myself as a sharp guy that very little gets past, but this just isn’t the case with women. When it comes to women I obviously need it spelled out to me in big bold letters. I sometimes find it amazing that I’ve actually been with girls being as unsmooth as I am.
3. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WHEN WOMEN CRY IN FRONT OF ME - If a woman is telling me her sob story without crying I’m a pro…I can listen and pep talk with the best of them. If she’s crying over the phone I can handle that too. But if a female is crying right in front of me I don’t know what to do. My natural instinct is to put my hand on their shoulder, or to rub their back, or give them a hug but every time I run that scenario through my head I always picture the crying girl freaking out by me touching her! I guess this is kinda a silly fear because the few times I have done one of the things mentioned above the girls didn’t freak out but keep crying…

Well there you go folks, it turns out I’m not as slick as I appear** after all. I’m not sure why I felt the need to share these “untalents”, but there they are still the same.



*Way too many talents to mention here, although list making appears to be one of them!
**To be fair no one has every actually accused me of be especially slick.

Welcome To Date City, Where No Friday Night Is Spent Alone

Men’s Health has finally done a study that can prove useful to men everywhere…a list of what cities have the most eligible women!
Using data collected from the (what I’m assuming was 2010’s) Census the good folks at Men’s Health took into account a city’s ratio of single women vs. single men, the percentage of college educated single women, how many single ladies are gainfully employed, and the number who work out.
Behold:
The Top 10 Cities With The Most Eligible Women:

1. Washington, DC
2. Portland, ME ( This is the Portland in Maine! The Oregon Portland is #31!)
3. Boston, Mass
4. Seattle, WA
5. New York, NY
6. San Francisco, CA
7. Durham, NC
8. Raleigh, NC
9. Oakland, CA
10. St. Paul, MN

So it looks like if a fella wants to get a date he’s gotta move to the big city…or North Carolina.
Here’s the 10 cities with the fewest number of eligible women:
 91. Indianapolis, IN
92. Buffalo, NY
93. Memphis, TN
94. Cleveland, OH
95. Reno, NV
96. Wichita, KS
97. Fresno, CA
98. Toledo, OH
99. Bakersfield, CA
100. Las Vegas, NV

Here’s some other city rankings of note:

• Anchorage, AK is # 11 which is kinda surprising!
• As mentioned above Portland, OR is #31, so on a map it would appear all the good single ladies on the West Coast divided themselves between Seattle and San Francisco leave the weak and injured behind in Portland
• Fargo, ND ranks on the list at #43
• Los Angeles comes in at a whopping #48
• Sacramento, CA is #56…not good news for a single guy who may be moving there
• Jackson, MS is #54, St. Louis, MO is #58, and Corpus Christi, TX is #90!!! I could have told you all these cities would be low on a list like this thanks to having lived in each of them.

TO YOU THE READER, WITH LOVE

Let’s face it folks, it’s rough out there.

True love is hard to find.

At most you’ll be lucky to find someone who you can tolerate that can also tolerate you.
And being with that perfect person on Valentine’s Day? Forget it.

Girls, you know deep down that the guy who asked you out for tonight only wants to get in your pants, and you didn’t want to be alone on V-Day so you said yes.

And guys, you don’t need to go searching though your phone to find that phone number of a girl who you think might possibly hook up with you tonight.

Soviet Science will be your valentine tonight. And my love don’t cost a thing!

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY FOLKS!